Apocalypto

There is much debate amongst historians about what brought about the slow decline of the Mayan empire. When I heard that Mel Gibson was making a movie about it, I assumed he'd find a way to blame the Jews, but he didn't. Instead, he decided to keep the goriness of "Passion of the Christ", but ditched the antisemitic message.

Ever wanted to see a man swallow a wild boar's testicles? Me neither. Still... it was less disgusting than Borat.

The story is, essentially: Loin-cloth hunters with nose retainers and other painful-looking body-piercings are being kidnapped by the equally-pierced city dwellers so that they can be offered has human sacrifice to some God. The message is simple, clear and repeated over-and-over again: village people = good, city people = bad.

Blood Diamond

This movie tells us that we shouldn't buy diamond rings for our girlfriends because it supports an industry based on violence and war.

I say, you shouldn't buy a diamond ring for your girlfriend because then she'll expect you to marry her. Then you have to move in with her, which means goodbye white bread and hello tofu, yogurt and quiche. And you can't have poker nights with the guys anymore, because you have to go antiquing or wine tasting. Then the little blue stick says she's pregnant and that's when your life is really over.

Seems like a much better reason to me.

The Nativity Story

Man... that Virgin Mary looks hot... oops... I'm going to hell for this, aren't I? Oh well, I was probably going there anyway.

They sure put a lot of meaning into dreams in 0 B.C., didn't they?

If dreams can really predict the future like that, I better clean the house before Angelina Jolie gets here...

Happy Feet

There is something fundamentally wrong with using Mexican accents for penguins.